A Yearly Reminder
A reminder for myself: On this day, June 6th of 2026, it is the 3rd week of trees blooming in Montréal, and the third week or your relentless seasonal allergies. You have allergies.
The reason you can't breathe through your nose isn't because you have contracted the cold. You use public transit a lot, and constantly touch your mustache and face afterwards, but it's safe to assume after this 42 year pattern that it is not the cold.
The reason your eyes are watering isn't unchecked grief, depression, or anxiety. Everyone assumes it is, but trust younger You in 2026 (Me). I'm smarter than You (Future Me).
The itch in the back of your throat, roof of your mouth and sinuses isn't Poe-style sublimated guilt or trauma manifesting itself as an unrelenting psychosomatic torture.
Every time you blow your nose it sounds like somebody naked sitting on a leather couch, so try to be discreet.
We think it's Birch allergies. Montréal has a lot of those, as a natural defense against Newfoundlanders, and Bing AI has assured me that this is likely. This also relates to cross-reactive foods you have categorized as "Itchy" foods in your head, and thankfully never out loud. They range from so-so to delicious.
- Almond
- Apple
- Apricot
- Carrot
- Celery
- Cherry
- Hazelnut
- Kiwi
- Parsley
- Peach
- Peanut
- Pear
- Plum
- Soybean
It was lazy to assume that eating a Kiwi whole or feasting on a bowl of unadorned soybeans was what caused that itchy feeling on the roof of your mouth, and we're moving on from that theory.
Side note: The song Birch Mouth wound up being a good prognosis.
The medicine doesn't work. Stay inside and buy more handkerchiefs.
